My sister sent me a link to an awesome article that I posted to facebook today. I have never done that before and I have never really gotten into facebook until the past few days. I got a little fb happy for awhile.
Back to point-this is the article about the 5 things that people regret on their death beds (Disclaimer: I don't agree with every idea in this article I just really liked that it made me want to act!) and I want it to have profoundly touched my life. I want to live a full, happy, and free life. I reread this article to Paul just now and as I read it aloud, I narrated his thoughts between sentences and realized that I have some very sad ideas of how things are. Shoot! But they were funny narrations and I wish I could spit those back out but it was a one time deal I guess. It got me to thinking though. These "little narrations" are coming from my honest fears, coming from the insecurities that I joke about but truly feel. I started thinking about the dialogue that I have going on in my head as of late, sometimes reprimanding myself and often others, the crap I spew under my breath, the "I want to shake you" daggers that I sometimes shoot into the pantleg of the person I am feeling angered by so that they won't see the tel in my eyes (I have previously been a bit passive aggressive, darnit!).
Today a friend of mine posted a harmless article about the damage being done to the earth. A misguided ...okay I'll say it-dummy face- replied to her saying that people should stop having children. 'Oh no he di n't!' I thought about this earlier regrets article and decided to have the courage to state how I felt. I told the guy that he sounded super smart and that I wanted to know if he should be the one to decide who should have children or if the whole world should just totally stop having children altogether, but in a pretty sarcastic way. I felt great for a moment! I am always so afraid to say what I really think, it felt so good. Then minutes went by and I realized that I was spewing venom, feeding the fire. I fought it though because I wanted to make him aware that he was indeed the moron that I was certain he was. And again something inside of me kept telling me that I needed to chill out and remove the post. I hated that and kept justifying why I shouldn't delete it. Thirty minutes went by and I was feeling horrible, so I finally deleted it and apologized to my friend for being a jerk to her friend(?). All of the garbage and negativity relating to this stupid comment left me. I know this is a super minor moment. Not the end of the world, but entertaining these waste of time, negative feelings that suck me in end up giving away precious moments of my life that could have been filled with playing with my daughters, drawing pictures, singing, honeying the toilet, getting into Paul's facebook page updating his movies and books with things he doesn't really like, reading a book or going for a walk. All of the things that make me smile and make the people that I love smile. So I will be courageous and share my feelings but also be courageous and kind and work on my thoughts and my heart.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
What the World Needs Now is Love Sweet Love...
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As I was reading the article about the 5 things that people regret on their death beds, I began to see a few philosophies of men mingled with truth. Allow me to elaborate (pontificate).
[1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.] I believe this desire is flamed by the world which says you must do your own thing to be happy. It is our “natural man” nature to do our own thing which is sometimes veiled by calling it being true to ourselves. Honoring our dreams is great if they are selfless dreams rather than selfish ones. I am a better person today because I listened to what others expected of me instead of listening the desires of my heart.
[2. I wish I didn't work so hard.] No issue with this one. The ladder of success is usually leaning against the wrong wall.
[3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.] Is that because I see so many folks on TV and in the movies courageously getting stuff off their chest? Unfortunately the method by which they show us how to do it is by getting in everyone’s face. Forgiveness and humility will also get stuff off one’s chest. Blessed are the peacemakers . . . and that, many times, requires “peace, be still”.
[4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.] No issues with this one . . . as long as my friends aren’t competing with my family. This is a corollary to number 2 above.
[5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.] Happiness is a choice, but what to choose? The world teaches us to choose things that make us feel good . . . and we go through life choosing one thing after another hoping we will eventually find something that really makes us happy (satisfaction to the soul). The purpose of life is not to seek happiness for ourselves but to seek the happiness of others. When we serve our purpose, instead of serving ourselves, we receive satisfaction to our souls.
When we send our children outside to play, they at times are happy or sad, healthy or hurt, friendly or selfish. We try to help them learn from life’s lessons outside and sometimes they listen and sometimes they don’t. But we don’t give up on them. We love them and watch over them. We are children of God, who sent us to earth (outside to play). God loves us and watches over us. He hasn’t given up on us. He’s trying to help us. The question is, are we listening?
Jen, I loved this! I have that same inner struggle ALL of the time.
Exactly or close to exactly what I was trying to get across in my post, but clearly failed to. There are a lot of things in this article that I don't agree with. Pretty much along the same lines as you mentioned. It is kind of dangerous to post articles or ideas without giving some kind of disclaimer that I don't agree with everything in the article. But the article was inspiring to me though. I think you can define being true to yourself by listening to the spirit, it doesn't have to mean surrendering your will to the "natural man" who dwells within. Last night I made a similar comment to Paul about that. Also having courage to speak your mind doesn't mean to me that I should give up trying to be better and to declare that where I am at is where I will stay. I was trying to point out that once again I had the awakening that my heart isn't where it should be and that life is too short to waste settling for unhappiness within myself. For me there was a lot of inspiration in the article and I tried to take away the good from the article. I liked that it inspired me. I liked that it reminded me about the choices that I am able to make. It reminded me that I am not powerless over my circumstances. It reminded me that I can be happy even if life is chaotic and things go wrong. It reminded me that being passive aggressive is just as bad as being a meanie pants outwardly. It also reminded me that relationships work best with honesty and obviously some censorship but that you have to be very careful about censoring too much. And that people will appreciate me being a bit more assertive and I would as well as long as I am doing it with a good heart. I appreciate what you wrote J. I am a little worried that you misinterpreted what I was saying, feeling or not saying.
Jen out!
Well said Jen! When I have more time I want to comment a little more in depth. But I love the line of thinking you have on this.
Right after I pushed the publish button, I thought . . . I sure hope she doesn't think I'm criticizing her - it's the article . . . the article. The article was very good in that it got me to thinking about death beds (I'm a lot closer to mine than you are to yours:). . . and that got me to look at my score to see how I measured up (fell short by the way) . . . so I needed to JUSTIFY why I was falling short and then realized I wasn't falling so short as I was falling for some very subtle lies.
I should have started my comment by saying how much I enjoyed your post and also the article until I realized I was getting sucked in and then explain how easy it is to get led down the path and then pontificate.
The article was good in that it got both of us to think. I was trying to communicate some of my thoughts but now I see I didn't frame them very well. Sorry, keep posting and I promise to do better.
Oh Jenn, previously I just thought you were my kindred spirit. After this post, I'm so positive: we could be sisters. Like really: from the pre-moral life. Oh . . .
Anyway.
I love that you get me.
And I love that you say the things that go through my head, before I say them outloud!
Oh J! I love ya ever so much! I just happen to really care what you think of me. I would love to say that I was more confident, but I'm not. Thank you! Please know that I wasn't upset, I just felt semi-desperate for you to know that I didn't buy into all of the crap just some and some non crap as well. Jay Dawg, I really look up to you. I am glad you are who you are. Marnee and Aud, I also adore the crap out of you!
ok that was pre-mortal life
hope you figured that out on your own
big ooops
ha ha ha
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