(I deleted a few details. It was a very personal, journal-type post. I am not usually so willy, nilly share all of my crizap with the world, I just felt like poo and didn't want to sugar coat it. So sorry for the boo-hoos of earlier).
I think it is easy to feel less when you define yourself the way the world does. I struggle with this sometimes, mostly just once an hour. This morning I did an inventory of my life. I have been so wrapped up in Paul's experience with law school, his busyness,Addie's class, Addie's play dates/social life, and Clare's adventurous spirit/destruction. I have forgotten to have my own interests and passions besides being a mother and wife(both of which I almost always love being). It has been hard to find my footing as this new chapter of my life has been unfolding.
I just need to redirect. It is actually an opportunity to jump into something. I don't know what. I am crazy busy with Clare, Addie and volunteering at Addie's school, cleaning, procrastinating, cooking sometimes, painting the house, watering the yard, more procrastinating, working from home a bit, my church calling, and watching the best TV shows ever but something is missing and no, I am not baby hungry yet. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mother. I love knowing that I am there for my girls and that I am the one who gets to comfort them when they are sad or I am the one who gets to hear their funny stories or see their firsts and I don't intend to change this. But for my families sake, I need something to keep me sane. I am open to suggestions.
At the Anasazi Foundation, we had an inservice meeting every Tuesday. We would read an article or a chapter from a C. S. Lewis, Terry Warner or Arbinger book and discuss its application to our personal and professional lives. For those of you Anasazi-ites or anyone else interested, I could really go for something like that again.
7 comments:
Jen, It is just a rut! Hopefully you will come out of it soon. I think the thing that helped me the most when my kids were small was a girls night out. If you weren't so far away, I would drop off my daughter to watch your girls and carry you off to do something fun. It is just no fun to have a husband for only one day a week and have it be on a day when you can't really go out and do something fun. Hope things improve soon, your girls are beautiful. They have such bright eyes and great smiles. I know where they got that smile. It has been too long since we have done anything together. Take care!
Book groups are great--they get you reading something AND they're a girls' night out at the same time. You might also try to get a babysitting co-op together. You get some time without the expense of a babysitter.
Jen, oh how you words echo my feelings lately! I have been doing a lot of thinking along these same lines, lots of good thoughts but, to many to leave as a comment. I am headed down for a week on Monday. Let’s get together for a play date.
I'm right there with you. I love being a stay at home mom and a wife but sometimes I feel like I (my passions, interests, personality, sanity) got lost somewhere along the way. Truth is, I am not the same person I was before this chapter of my life began. So we have to keep reinventing ourselves. My outlet is running (and creating things by means of my sewing machine... how's that for weird?). I don't know what yours will be but you'll find it. I miss you!
Even if you never read the book, try going to the Neighborhood Book Club. Talk to Laura Clement about it. You need an outlet. Good luck!
I'm glad I got to read the unedited version. I'm right there with you and I wish my pants off that we lived near each other and could have inservice bi-weekly at my house.
Jen! I miss you and wish I lived there again and could trade babysitting with you and get together for girls night outs. You've gotta find someone to do it with. Weekly. I'm super busy with mom-ing and work and calling, etc. But have found that I'm happiest when exercise a few times a week, do pottery once a week, and have a break from my kids once a week to go out and play. In Arbinger terms, I think of it as filling my life with "out of the box places from where I can responsively ponder the world" :). Cheesy, I know. Love you, girl! Let's talk soon!
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